Willingness to Fail

Failing is both daunting and liberating. Years ago and in a faraway state, I took the first part of a commercial real estate investment course, CCIM 101. At that time, I think it was a 4 day long event - starting around seven each morning and ending around ten every night. It was grueling and it took several days afterwards to recover from its intensity. Learning the material and being tested was difficult, but it was the notion of failing this course that demanded the greatest paradigm shift - from the angst of pass/fail thinking to the acceptance that doing one's best is enough.

That memory surfaced this week.

When I first moved here, I began the appropriate coursework to procure a real estate license. However, soon I was hired at a job in which getting this license would have violated the terms of employment. Hence, the license went on the back burner.....until the company began laying off staff and eventually me.

But REAL ESTATE? What am I thinking in this day and age?!!!!

I have an affection for the industry and I have years. The doom and gloom of today will fade before long. Call it optimism and positioning.

So back to the books and license. I wanted to quickly recapture much of what I learned in the spring so committed to an immediate exam date - willing to do my best. Three days of cramming with only my duties as Mom's caregiver and hope that Pey would feel better soon getting any other attention. Yup, no cycling, no painting, ignoring Simon a lot, never out of the pj's, drinking liters of Diet Coke, peeking only to see who won Survivor, and memorizing things like what "FREC can do if a licensee decides to form a general partnership"......something I won't be doing any time soon! I even gave up watching Keith Olbermann and attending an Obama Inaugural planning meeting for the purpose of FOCUS.

I arrived at the test center this morning, two ID's in hand and proof I'd completed the proper coursework, as well as proof I'd passed a preliminary exam. Within 30 minutes a sterile room welcomed me and 15 other Hopefuls for the next three and a half hours.

At the 90 minute mark my 100 questions had been answered. Not bad considering the game plan was to be at question number 60 by that point. My brain and eyes were tired, though, and my back hurt from sitting so long so I asked and was given permission to use the restroom - more of a stand up and move break than anything. It came as a surprise to be able to leave the test area unescorted, since Proctor control, up until then, had been significant.

After I returned, the review took another hour and by the time I was finished, some of my test-mates were long gone - some remained. "Doing one's best" settled comfortably into my thoughts and I headed out the door eager to look up details of a concept I wanted to explore further. An administrator waving a piece of paper caught my attention and called me back.

"Congratulations; you passed!!!!!" And had I not? The ending would read, "I did my best!!!!!"